Adjusting to Marriage

I know what you are thinking, I as an extremely single individual am totally qualified to talk about about this subject. Of course. Seriously though, I will admit that I am severely lacking in the experience department when it comes to this topic, but I do have a little bit of knowledge, it just hasn't been applied yet my friends.
First off my friends, if you think about it the marriage really begins at the proposal? Why you ask? (Or maybe you didn't, but I am going to tell you anyway). You officially start planning your life together when you get engaged, and isn't that what a marriage is all about? During class we discussed how the wedding should be planned by the couple, and not just the bride or the bride and her mother. This is because the wedding is for the couple, not just for the bride, and not for the bride's family. A lot of times is is considered the bride's day. That seems kind of sad though because it be something they both love and will remember as their day forever. I'm not saying that if the groom doesn't help plan it the marriage is doomed or it won't still be a special day for him, but shouldn't he get to have actual opinion on the matter? Also why does the average US wedding cost $27,000? That is so expensive. I understand that it is a special and important day, but that is honestly more than some people make in an entire year and more than half for what the average American makes in a year. It honestly hurts me to think about spending that much money, though I am not even close to getting engaged, so we'll have to see how I feel when it actually comes up.
Once the wedding is out of the way, the hard stuff starts. There are many things that people who have not lived together before marriage will have to adjust to and think about. Some things are hopefully discussed before marriage, but most often are not. Before a couple gets married they should make sure they have discussed the important stuff, and even the little stuff. Like do you know how they sleep? Do they like it hot or cold? Do they sleep talk? Do they do other weird things in their sleep? I apparently drink my water bottle and talk and do other weird things in my sleep. I figure that will be fairly important to whoever I marry and share a bed with. I just think that it is important that we make sure we know a fair bit about what we are getting into and then learn how to compromise when we need to. Don't give up over the small things either, learn how to deal with them. I could probably go on about this for awhile, but I think that's all for now. See you later friends!

The Wonderful World of Dating

Dating is so incredibly confusing. It just really is. Especially in today's society where we seem to have mixed up what dating really is. It seems like a lot of people feel like if we are spending time with them, we are having dates. This isn't always true. Dating in most of society today is really just us hanging out with another person and calling it dating. True dating involves planning things in advance and putting real effort into the date. It's not just inviting them to something last minute or having someone come over where you just watch a movie and don't talk about anything. Dating requires real conversation and quality time being spent together. How are you ever going to get to know a person if you don't really talk to them? By the way it takes a minimum of three months to even start to get to know a person, and that is if you are trying to get to know them. To be blunt, if you aren't talking while you are "dating" than there is probably a good chance that you never will get to know the person.

Another thing that is really big in the world of dating in today's society, physical touch. I talked about this in a previous post but it is really important that I feel I need to touch on it again. Too much physical touch can be extremely damaging to a relationship, especially if you don't understand how physical touch affects people. In my previous post I said that just sitting by someone can make you feel closer to someone. Now imagine you have starting making out with a person right after you start dating. It cause attachments to start to form. When this attachment starts to form, you start to think you know them when you really don't. This is just very concerning to me, as person who enjoys physical touch (like hugs and just being by people, nothing too crazy people, don't worry). I don't want to get attached to a person just because I really enjoy kissing them or something and have been convinced that I love them and really know them. Of course I am not saying that people who kiss never talk about anything or are doomed to fail or anything like that. I'm just saying that we should be careful. It hurts to think you know someone and realize you don't know them as much as you thought you did, or they weren't the person you thought they were. I have only experienced this with friendships, I can't imagine what if feels like to experience this with someone you are actually in a relationship with. Discussing things is so incredibly important and yes, touch is part of a relationship, but please don't let it take over completely.

Dating is scary and it's hard. Think of dating as the Three T's. Togetherness, Talk, and Time. Spend real quality time together, discussing important things. Be careful to not be too open too fast, and to have mutual self-disclosure. Learn about each other. This method won't protect you from heartbreak, that is hard to avoid, but it can help you go about it in a healthier way.

Siblings

In an article we read for this week it talks about how having siblings, specifically sisters, help mental health. I found this interesting because I do indeed have sisters. I have an older sister who is older by two and a half years, and a younger sister who is younger by three years. The article talks about how having these siblings help negative feelings be lessened. It's kind of hard for me to say whether or not that is true since I don't know any different other than living with my sisters, but I would say in my family I probably have a little bit of both. I like to think that my sisters are pretty protective over me, I know I am over them, probably to the point of being annoying sometimes. My sisters do look out for me and care about me. They love me and I love them. Sometimes though, we fight and grow apart and have differences. Those times can sometimes be the loneliest and have the most negative emotions I have ever had, at least in my experience. At this point in my life, I know my sister's got my back, and nothing against my sisters, but it definitely didn't always feel like that growing up. Maybe that's just the way I perceived things and maybe this is going to offend my sisters if they read it, but I really don't know. It's hard to discuss this from a perspective of whether or not it helped my mental health more than others who didn't have siblings because I only have my one experience and everyone has different personalities and experiences so it is very hard to test. To sum it all up though, I do love my sisters very dearly and I miss them very much right now as I am up at school. I am incredibly grateful for everything that the three of us have been through together.

Culture

Do you ever stop and wonder how culture starts or why we have the culture we have? Do you even really know what your culture really is? I'll be honest, when I think of culture, it is hard for me to apply culture to myself without thinking about art and music and all that fun stuff. That's not really what it is all about though. Culture is the attitudes, behaviors, and characteristics of a social group. We all have a culture, but how often do we really think about it in relation to ourselves?
We have different classes in our culture, and when we think of them it is easy to think that it is just about the money. We discussed in class this week though that we assume people's class depending on a lot of other things as well. For example, the more education you have, generally the higher the class people think you are. This isn't always true, but we do assume. Other factors would also be how people carry themselves, confidence, etiquette, mannerisms, and recreational pursuits. The more you have these things, the more likely people are going to believe you are a higher class. It is entirely possible to make people believe you are a higher class than you are. In fact there are probably people in your life who is doing that very thing and you have never noticed.
Culture is a funny thing and I feel like I really need to study my own culture some more and encourage others to do the same.

Circular Causality and Physical Touch

Circular Causality. What is it? In class we talked about how it is like this constant cycle that we get stuck in. An example of this would be if I were in a relationship and he did something to upset me, but instead of me explaining why I am mad at him, I just act upset with him and distant. He keeps doing the thing that bothers me and I get angrier which makes him upset and it is just a constant cycle where we are moving further and further away from each other. This can go both ways, good and bad. In my opinion the one that I described it the most common. This isn't just something you do with your significant other either, this is something that can be done with everyone you know, especially the ones you live with. I can admit to having these moments in my family, and the longer you let this go on, the more distant you become. I find that for myself, most of the time I can't even remember why I was mad in the first place, but I know that I was mad. Plus whoever this is happening with is distant from me now too, and who really started anymore? I could say it was them, but they would probably say it was me. This cycle could just go on and on, unless you acknowledge what is happening and realize that something needs to change. Since learning about this this week, I have been paying more attention to how my relationships are working. I have seen both the good and bad, and some need to be dealt with. I will be working on that as time goes on.
Another thing I wanted to mention is physical touch with those we love and care about. This includes roommates, friends, significant others, family, and whoever else you want to put in this category. Physical touch, in the sense of just like holding hands or hugs or simple things like that are really important in close relationships. I think another way to put this is physical closeness. Generally the closer you are to someone physically, the deeper your bond will go. For example, just sitting by someone in a class everyday brings you closer to them then the people who are across the room from you simply because of where you sit, and a lot of people don't even seem to notice it. So when you are angry at someone and try to punish them by not letting them touch you or something along those lines you could cause more trouble and create more distance between you. It goes back to Circular Causality. The more aware of this I become, the more I am able to see how this takes place in my life.

Technical Difficulties

I have had some trouble posting on my blog for the last few weeks, but I finally figured out the situations so my post will be posted soon. My post still talk like they are from the week they are meant to be from, even though they are posted late.